Doctor I feel tired all the time. I’m bloated, erratic and have mood swings before and after Big Macs.

My ankles swell when I walk so I use the drive-thru instead. What should I do?


Welcome to the fast-food, big pharma super highway.

Anything you want to make you healthy, happy, stress free, satiated, sane, painless, and a fun person to be around all the time.

Available now. Now. Now. Over the counter. No questions asked.

No. I mean you. Don’t you ask questions. We know what’s best for you. A happy meal of antidepressants.

A garbage bag of percocets. Feel shit from all that shit you’ve been eating?

Take a pill. Here’s five hundred and a lifetime prescription. Addiction?

No, I said prescription … That’ll cost five bucks fifty (your physical health, independent thought, and ability to overcome adversity).

Change? Sorry, you don’t get change. Just like we like it.


So keep doing what you’re doing. I’m not here to tell you how to live your life.

Just sell you things. This is latestagecapitalism after all.

Health is a commodity. Vegetables? Unnecessary. Exercise is a waste of time.


Take this for blood pressure, these for your mood, and some valium just to settle that part of your brain that thinks.


Nevermind that your stomach thinks too.

We can fuck that up. Pleasures of the mind overrule health of the body.

Except for the tongue. The tongue dominates all.

That wet muscle leads us, animates us, makes us work, spend, consume,

till our bodies collapse in on themselves and we perish.

We starve our bodies of nutrients for sugar, wheat, cheese and something fried.

All for three short intervals of pleasure a day.

Though I was too busy scrolling through other people’s pictures of food to really enjoy it.